Wednesday, 13 May 2015

Knot in my Stomach

I've been having a mid mid-life crisis lately.

That's not me being over dramatic. That's what I've been going through.
Worrying about jobs, where to live, friends, money, the future. Ugh, the future is such a burdening concept. I felt as if I were failing, or always going to fail.

I'd been so caught up in maybes and what ifs that I made myself physically ill.

My anxiety brought on headaches, a loss of appetite, trouble sleeping, pain in my chest. I couldn't concentrate or focus.
You know that knot you get in your stomach when you're anxious before a job interview? Or before you go on stage to give a speech?
I had that knot in my stomach for days on end.

Anxiety is appropriate in certain situations. It's the expectation that something threatening will occur in the future. So it can be helpful on occasions - You worry about the success of a project, so you work harder to improve it.

I always worry too much. That's who I am. I worry about my sister's Leaving Cert. I worry about my pets when I'm not home. I worry about confrontation. I worry about the outcome of the Equal Marriage Referendum. But when it comes to the point where I'm so caught up in what might happen in the future and I'm causing myself actual pain, it becomes a problem.

And that's what I've been doing the past two weeks. Over-worrying about people's reactions, where I'm going, my financial situation.

The reality is that things work out. And they work out for the best. They do get better.
At least in my case that has proven itself to be true. All this freaking out I've been doing has been for nothing. All the little things I was losing sleep over have worked out. And I've never been happier. Being calmer however, is a different matter.

I don't know how to stop worrying so much. I'm hoping that writing about it will help. Or maybe this experience will work to remind me that sometimes there's just no need to stress too much, because things do work out.

New Life Motto

To better understand anxiety in a fun and informal way, check out this helpful Buzzfeed guide.


  1. Ahh the future...I hate thinking about the future, it just leaves you in a big ball of worry and panic. I've been doing this thing I saw on Friends (not sure if you watch but I'll do my best to explain) where Chandler had cold feet about his wedding day so he kept running away. Ross told him just to push it out of his mind and do one thing at a time, ie - have a shower, shave, breakfast and get dressed and just don't think about the actual impending marriage bit. I've been doing that for a few weeks and it actually really really helps to lessen the butterflies.

    I've probably explained that terribly, haha! Hope you're okay xx

    1. You explained that perfectly Mary! I know that episode so I get you. (although I'm always a bit annoyed that Chandler freaked out about marrying the fabulous Monica!) Great advice, I'm going to have to try and follow that and keep calm. xx

    2. Ah thank god! I'm the world's worst explainer, haha! It definitely works xx

  2. When I get that knot I play the "and what then" game. So pick a worry. Like an exam. "what if I fail the exam" - well, you fail it. So what then? What will you do? You'll repeat, and you'll study, and you'll prepare, and if you fail again? Do it again. Every time you have a worry, finish it. Answer yourself. Answer the "what happens if..." with a "well then I'll..." - it helped me an awful lot over the past few years, I was a nightmare, I used to sit with my heart pounding over all these hypothetical "what if"s and it's so much easier to deal with if you have a plan of action - "what if the whole lot goes to shit" well then you'll pick yourself up, you'll find a way through, and you'll start again. It's so, so helpful. To me, anyway! x

    1. Ah Sharon that's fabulous advice! I never do that, I let the fear stop me there and I can't see past it. Such a helpful bit of CBT I always ignore :) xx