"To tell the truth I never had it so good. But I lacked the strength of character to bear such joy." - Saul Bellow, Herzog
Sometimes all we see is the negative. Like yesterday. Yesterday I spent the majority of the day pondering the imminent implosion of all that's good in my life. It seemed inevitable that after months of high points, I was due a fall. I would lose my home, my job, my friends. I fear my mental illness means the good things won't last. These recurring fears are based on my lack of self-worth - I've been lucky so far. I'll be found out. I don't deserve any of this. I'm not 'good' so I don't deserve 'good' things.
The thing is, my life has never been better. This year has brought me endless good fortune in work, relationships, friendships and so on. But sometimes I can't see past the good for long enough to appreciate the good.
This month is about combating the negative. The negative thinking. The negative self-talk. The negative mindset. The negative situations and friendships.
To better appreciate the positives, I need to eliminate the negatives that are holding me back. To understand how to defeat negativity, I will first look at where it stems from. It will be a month dedicated to CBT and re-training my ever-so-critical mind.
Is it possible to reduce negative thinking and foster a more positive outlook? I certainly hope so.